Love

August 28th 2018 – Gail Comes Home For The Last Time

Posted on by Billy Blagg

I found it difficult to accept that Gail had left the house in an ambulance a couple of weeks previously and had simply never returned. I felt there should have been some last look around, a way of touching things and saying goodbye. It didn’t seem right for her to go directly from the Funeral Directors to the Crematorium so I asked for them to bring her home for the last night before the funeral. I had intended that friends and family would come round and celebrate her life with her but, for reasons to tedious to relate, nobody came.

But I wasn’t bothered. I stayed up all night with her, so I could sit and talk with her in the room for one last night and the cats could say goodbye. 

Gail comes home later today for her final night at Blagg Acres. In tribute, I’m posting the first photo I ever took of her. Interestingly, she has the ‘Lupus pose’ – one hand holding the other – years before she was diagnosed. She’s wearing the earrings I bought her for THAT Christmas. For years, this picture has sat tucked into the cover of ‘our record’ and this is the first time I’ve ever shown it to anyone. I don’t think she’d have minded, she loved her hair back then

Buzz was mummy’s boy. A cat we’d rescued as a kitten, he is just one of those characters; always jumping on things, raiding the food cupboard, hiding in places he shouldn’t be – if there’s a noise to be made and some mischief to make then Buzz is your cat. It felt wrong he was here and Gail wasn’t but cats are inscrutable things and it’s hard to say how it affected him. I’ve put one of Gail’s clothes on her side of the bed and Buzz likes to sleep on it. More than that I can’t say.

On her last night in the house, Buzz sat on her coffin and laid there all night.

It was heartbreaking.

August 17th 2018

Posted on by Billy Blagg

Planning a funeral: Is there anything destined to make the heart as heavy?

A strange power overcomes you when you’re faced with the enormity of having to do just that . Things that you think you won’t be able to manage to do suddenly become extremely important to get right. Factoring in what is possible with any wishes the person who left requested becomes you life’s sole work. Nothing you’ve ever done before even comes close to matching it.

I urge everyone to let their nearest and dearest know exactly what it is they want. Those departed won’t know what’s happening – or they might but that’s not a debate I’m having here! – but the person left beats themselves up continuously in trying to get everything right; in fear of missing something out.

Some of Gail’s friends came to see me a couple of nights after she had passed, intent on making sure that Gail ‘went as she would have wanted’. I could only imagine what Gail would have been saying had she been watching. I’m fiercely independent and single-minded and I will never be told what to do. I’ll listen to suggestions but don’t ever think I won’t treat them as anything other than suggestions. If I feel I’m being led I will go a different way just for the hell of it. I could almost feel and hear Gail at this point saying ‘You don’t know what you’re doing. Leave him alone. He always seems mild-mannered but push him and he will blow’. I nearly did too; I was on the verge of exploding but a fortuitous phone call from a an old family member helped calm me down. 

One thing I knew without doubt. Gail wanted a pink coffin, to be cremated in her wedding dress with ‘all her bling’ and she wanted her life celebrated not mourned. She wanted people to laugh, dance and remember her fondly. I never thought I could manage the celebration – in fact, celebrating in the normal sense is just a pipe dream for anyone associated with attending a funeral – but I understood what I could do to give her what she wanted and, over the coming days and weeks, I was able to tailor everything to ensure she was given a fitting farewell.

With the funeral scheduled for August 30th and with every day hanging heavier, I started posting reminders on social media of better days. I recreate them here so that everyone can share the experience and just get a sense of who and what Gail was.

Two years ago this very day. A great time in Vegas for Blagg Jnr’s wedding. Odd to think we returned home five days earlier from the U.S. than planned because we’d spent too much. Two years later and did it matter? Let this be a lesson to you all.